At a glance
- Youth need adults who will connect with them, communicate with them, and spend time with them.
- It is a positive parenting practice to speak with teens about HIV prevention, other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and pregnancy.
- There are practical ways for parents to have meaningful talks with their teens about sex, and the importance of healthy relationships.
It makes a difference
According to teens, the answer is "yes"
Teens report that their parents have the greatest influence over their decisions about sex—more than friends, siblings, or the media. This is from national surveys by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.
Did you know?
According to researchers, the answer is "yes"
Studies have shown that teens who report talking with their parents about sex are more likely to delay having sex. These teens are also more likely to use condoms when they do have sex.
Parents should be aware that the following elements of communication can affect teen sexual behavior:
- What is said.
- How it is said.
- How often it is said.
- How much teens feel cared for, and understood, by their parents.
Background
Parenting a teen is not always easy. Teens need adults—especially parents—who are there for them and who will: connect with them, communicate with them, spend time with them, and show a genuine interest in them.
Talking with teens about sex-related topics is a positive parenting practice that has been widely researched. These topics include healthy relationships and the prevention of HIV, other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and pregnancy.
Keep in mind
Topics to discuss
It's important that your conversations with your teen not focus just on the consequences of risky sexual behaviors. Many teens receive these messages in health education class or elsewhere. As a parent, you can discuss other related topics with your teen, such as:
- Healthy, respectful relationships.
- Your expectations for your teen about relationships and sex.
- Ways to prevent HIV, STIs, and pregnancy—abstinence, condoms and contraception, and HIV/STI testing.
- Benefits of protecting oneself from HIV, STIs, and pregnancy.
- Where your teen can speak with a provider and receive sexual health services, such as HIV/STI testing.
Addressing questions
Following are some actions and approaches parents might take to improve communication with their teen about challenging health concerns.
- Where is your teen getting information?
- What health messages is your teen learning?
- What health messages are factual and medically accurate?
Your teen may be getting messages about sex, relationships, and preventing HIV, STIs, and pregnancy from a variety of sources. Sources often include teachers, friends, health care providers, television, and social media. Some of these messages may be more accurate than others. Don't assume that your teen's health education class includes the information you want your child to know. School-based curricula vary from state to state.
- In the car.
- The car is a private space where your teen doesn't have to look at you but can hear what you have to say.
- The car is a private space where your teen doesn't have to look at you but can hear what you have to say.
- Following a relevant TV show/movie.
- Characters on TV shows and movies model many behaviors.
- And certain storylines may provide the chance to reinforce positive behavior, or discuss the consequences of risky behavior.
- Characters on TV shows and movies model many behaviors.
- Text messaging.
- Texting may provide an easy way to reinforce messages discussed in person.
- Texting may provide an easy way to reinforce messages discussed in person.
Having “the talk” with your teen about sex and HIV, STIs, and pregnancy prevention is important. However, it's helpful to have a series of discussions that begin early, happen often, and continue over time. A series of talks can make more of a difference than a single conversation.
Talking about sex, relationships, and the prevention of HIV, STIs, and pregnancy may not always be comfortable or easy. You can encourage your teen to ask questions and be ready to give honest answers. This will keep the door open for both of you to bring up the topic. It’s OK to say you’re feeling uncomfortable or that you don’t have all the answers.
When your teen shares personal information with you, they may be asking for your input or wondering how you feel. Let your teen know that you value their opinion, even if it is different from yours.
Take your teen to regular, preventive care appointments and allow time alone with the provider. This gives options for your teen to talk confidentially with doctors or nurses about health issues, including HIV, STIs, and pregnancy. Be prepared to suggest that you step out of the room to allow for this private conversation. (Not all health care providers may feel comfortable asking you to leave the room.)
Common challenges
Organizations have developed programs to help build parents' skills and improve parent-adolescent communication. These skill-building programs may be offered in schools, health clinics, community-based settings, and even parents' workplaces.
Tip
Programs
Following are programs for parents to improve parent-adolescent communication about sex.
Parents Matter
Which parenting practices are addressed?
Who has participated?
- African American parents and/or guardians of preteens 9- to 12 years old (4th and 5th graders).
Where has the program been used?
- Community-based organizations.
Families Talking Together
Which parenting practices are addressed?
Who has participated?
- Parents and/or guardians of African American or Latino youth.
Where has the program been used?
- Pediatric clinics.
- Schools.
Talking Parents, Healthy Teens
Which parenting practices are addressed?
Who has participated?
- Parents and/or guardians of 6th to 10th graders.
Where has the program been used?
- Worksites.