Tips for Relying on Routines and Rules

Overview

Consistent routines and rules help create order and structure your day. Structure helps parents and kids. Kids feel safe and secure because they know what to expect. Parents feel confident because they know how to respond, and they respond the same way each time. Creating structure requires consistency, predictability, and follow-through..

Use consistency, predictability, and follow-through

Consistency means that you respond to your child's behavior the same way every time no matter what is going on or how you're feeling. Think about something you want your child to do more often. This could be sharing, cleaning up, or following directions. To increase those behaviors, praise them each time you see them occur. Your consistent response will help those behaviors happen more often. Similarly, misbehaviors are less likely to occur again if you always use the same consequence.

Predictability means your child knows what will happen and how you will respond. When your daily routines are predictable, your child knows what to expect for the day. When your rules are predictable, your child knows how you will react to their behavior.

Following through means that you do what you say you will do in response to your child's behaviors. This is often called the "say what you mean and mean what you say." To be consistent and predictable, we need to follow through. Follow-through is important for all behaviors. This includes behaviors we like and don't like. If you tell your child a certain misbehavior will have a consequence, you apply the consequence every time it happens. If you tell your child they will be rewarded for a behavior, you give the reward after they have done what you asked every time.

Create consistent routines

When creating routines, it is important to consider your child's capabilities and understanding. You may already have some routines in place. If not, you can begin with routines for important activities of the day.

Maintaining consistent routines can help things go more smoothly when you and your child know what to expect. "Brush, book, bed" is a good example of a nighttime routine of brushing teeth, reading a book aloud, and tucking your child into bed. Another routine could be mealtime. For example, a mealtime routine could include washing hands and setting the table. Tailor tasks to your toddler's or preschooler's skill levels, and only assign tasks that are safe for them. Other routines might include wake-up, playtime, or clean-up. It's up to you to decide which routines work best for your family.

Adding positive elements into routine activities can help engage your child's interests and make routines more enjoyable. For example, if your child resists bath time, consider adding a waterproof toy or bubbles to make the routine more fun. Given a toddler's or preschooler's short attention span, longer routines might be a challenge. To keep your child engaged during errands, play a game of 'eye-spy' and have them point to objects that are blue or soft items.

Communicate changes effectively

When your routines are the same from day to day, your child will feel safe and at ease in the structure because they know what to expect. If your routine needs to change, communicate this with your child when you're both calm.

Introducing changes to a routine when a child is upset will not be effective and may feel stressful for your child. Communicate new instructions or routines when your child is calm enough to listen and understand. Listen to your child if they show concern and explain the reasoning behind the change and whether it is permanent or temporary.

Example family routines

Listed below are examples of routines and daily schedules of parents with toddlers and preschoolers. Some parents find it helpful to have more detailed schedules.

Others find it helpful to have a general idea of the activities of the day. You can decide what kind of routine might work best for you and your family.